When NOT to Tweet
Back in October, my wife’s Grandfather, Lou Roth, passed away at the age of 97. During funeral preparations, someone rather clueless and ignorant asked if I was going to tweet during the funeral. By the way, did I mention this was my wife’s grandfather? I knew Lou for twenty years. He was a great guy and I loved him a lot. So, I looked the offender in the eye and said, “Of course, I’ll tweet; wouldn’t miss it for the world. Which one should I start with…?”
“Damn, they’re burying him with that watch we got him for his birthday.”
Or…
“They’re lowering him into the ground now, I hope the winches don’t jam.”
Or, maybe…
“Cousin Jan looks HOT in black.”
How about…
“You’re a %#@&$ idiot for asking if I’m going to tweet during Lou’s funeral.”
Certainly there are times when it’s not only proper to tweet, but also encouraged. For example; tweeting during your child’s school play is not cool (well, maybe just one tweet for friends if you attach a picture of your kid on stage). On the other hand, tweeting during a TweetUp at NASA Headquarters is cool.
Regardless of the circumstance, one would hope that common sense would prevail. However, for those of you who are uncertain, I offer the following guide of common circumstances when it would not be appropriate to tweet.
When is it NOT OK to Tweet?
When visiting the bathroom
Do I have to explain this one? And for god’s sake, NEVER twitpic!
While driving
Just Never! Never! Never! Never! Never! Never!
Spending time with family
Full Disclosure; I’ve been guilty of this. However, after realizing that tweeting while you’re supposed to be spending quality time with family is like wearing a huge neon sign that says “I’d rather be doing almost anything else then be here with you,” I am working hard to break the habit (no one’s perfect).
When teaching children, or doing just about anything with children, unless you are tweeting with them.
Children deserve your full attention. For more info, see “Spending time with family.”
Before sex
Nothing turns off a partner more. See, “I’d rather be doing almost anything else than be here with you.”
During sex
Really? You tweeted during sex? I think you’ve got other issues to worry about.
After sex
Congratulations, you had sex. I’m so impressed (not!).
During a meal
Only if you’re dining alone.
While preparing a meal
Only if you’re not working near an open flame or with sharp utensils. Otherwise, it’s okay, but only if your followers are “foodies.”
During religious ceremonies
Really? Do you want to take that chance?
Actually, it might be okay if it’s for educational purposes or you’re sharing the event with members of the congregation.
During Funerals
You did read the opening paragraphs, right? However, if you’re commemorating the event for those who could not make it to the funeral, then it might be okay, but only if you are not part of the actual funeral procession. I’d also advise not to let anyone see you.
During a Presidential Address to Congress
- If you’re a Congressmen: Your Head of State is speaking to you. Show some respect and pay attention or you may find yourself looking for another job.
- If you’re the General Public: In this case, you are almost certainly not in the Capitol Building, so tweeting would be perfectly acceptable and would be a great educational use for Twitter.
During Surgery
- If you’re the surgeon or an active participant: No.
- If you’re a student or observer: Only if you have received written permission from the patient, doctors, hospital, etc. If so, then it’s OK, especially for educational purposes.
While Working
Please consult your company’s Human Resources Department or Employee Handbook, and use your head. You’re there to work, so work. Also, if tweeting could compromise your own or someone else’s safety, then DON’T Tweet! Finally, if you’re involved in sales, marketing, recruiting or similar tasks, then Twitter can be a helpful tool, but get your boss’s permission anyway.
During a Business Meeting
Unless specifically asked to do so, or unless tweeting is required, your job requires you to pay close attention during any meeting. Otherwise, you may miss the part of the conversation where you are being replaced.
When meeting with people (or clients) whom you don’t like or respect
Just remember what your Mom said, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything.”
How much you dislike your job, boss, friends, family, etc.
Don’t do it. Once it’s out there, it’s public and you may find that you can’t apologize.
While stuck on an airplane that has not taken off for several hours
I personally support some form of a Passenger’s Bill of Rights, so if you find yourself in such a situation, it may actually help airline personnel learn of your predicament and motivate them to take action, or not.
When it IS OK to tweet.
When planning a crime
Go ahead. The police don’t even know what Twitter is, anyway.
When committing a crime (even if it’s just bananas)
Stealing is Stealing. Didn’t your Mom teach you that either?
Witnessing a crime
Actually, you should report crimes to the appropriate authorities first. Surely you can wait to tweet about it until after you report it. Just don’t mention that you reported it. The perpetrator may be savvy enough to use Twitter’s new geo-location features to find you and thank you.
Contemplating or committing suicide
Please, please, please reach out and speak to someone, anyone. I want you to be around to thank me later.
Traffic updates
We know that no one ever tweets while driving; it’s their passengers. Either way, you can get reports of traffic conditions faster than any other service. Just be sure to check before you start the car (see, item two in “When is it NOT OK to Tweet” above)
Job opportunities
Twitter is filled with people announcing job opportunities. Check out TwitterJobSearch. It’s probably the best tool to search for tweets mentioning jobs based on your search criteria.
Local/National Emergencies
See “Witnessing a crime” above.
During a Commute
Only if you are NOT the person operating the vehicle.
While trapped in an elevator for 41 hours
Be sure to try the emergency phone first. However, if both that phone and your cell phone can’t get a signal; you may be close enough to the Starbucks in the lobby to get their WiFi.
Surely there are many other times when it’s OK, or not OK to tweet, so please leave your ideas in the Comments. I’d love to tweet about them.
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